I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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