that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
