haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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