dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When are your genitals available?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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