and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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