sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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