i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Drake has all the answers
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
