i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
