he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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