My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
