I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
