I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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