so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
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TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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