she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it glows. i had to have it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
