Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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