Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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