I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
