i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
