First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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