are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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