Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
