I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
