I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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