I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
