Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
