Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
