oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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