I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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