That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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