I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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