I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
