cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize