Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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