You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
