The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
