i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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