matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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