Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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