Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
