Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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