wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
