I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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