i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
