I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
