He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
