The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
