The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
