Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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