I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
