You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
my poor anus
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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