i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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