I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
