I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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