She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
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Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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