Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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